drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize