Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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