I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
