Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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