Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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