So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
