Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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