Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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