R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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