Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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