It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
