I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
