That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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