No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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