is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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