Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
