I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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