put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize