me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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