Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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