she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
