apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
