We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
