Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
