i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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