I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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