who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
