and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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