So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
