Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
