Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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