I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
