I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This baby is an asshole
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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