yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
