she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
