He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
