I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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