Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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