Me too!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Drunk is not a location!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
