my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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