How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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