he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
and you fell through a lawn chair
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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