OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
