It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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