Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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