I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
