All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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