If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
