One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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