You smell like stripper and shame
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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