i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
