Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
did i just pee glitter
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