so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
