how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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