"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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