im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
