I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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