My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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