I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
