My hand turned me down
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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