She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
