i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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