take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
