I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
