Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just forgot I was standing up.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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