I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
