can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
