My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
