Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like death gave me a hand job
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
