he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
