even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
