And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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