we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
