Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
