no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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