Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
