ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
