dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
