we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
