I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
