Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i out mim tonsoeep
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