Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
