I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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