So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
