Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
