can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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